Sibling Connection: Nurturing Bonds Between Your Deaf and Hearing Children
Sibling relationships are complex, beautiful, and sometimes challenging—especially in families with both Deaf and hearing children. In our most recent Parent Support Zoom Meeting, we tackled the topic of sibling connection—how to nurture deep, meaningful relationships between siblings who may experience the world differently due to language and communication differences.
The Unique Challenges and Joys of Deaf-Hearing Sibling Relationships
As parents, we often find ourselves in the middle of sibling interactions, helping to bridge gaps in understanding, communication, and expectations. Hearing and Deaf children naturally approach the world in different ways—one may rely on spoken language, while the other depends on visual communication. But at their core, they both want the same thing: to feel loved, valued, and included.
During our discussion, several parents shared personal experiences that reflected these challenges:
- The frustration of feeling left out: One mother shared how her Deaf daughter was heartbroken when her hearing sibling was allowed to change outfits before an outing while she was not. The situation escalated quickly, not just because of the clothes, but because of a deep need for fairness and inclusion.
- The importance of visual communication: Deaf children rely heavily on eye contact, facial expressions, and clear sightlines for conversations. Something as simple as removing a vase from the center of a table can significantly improve their ability to participate in family conversations.
- Different emotional responses: Deaf children often express their emotions intensely, whether it’s joy, frustration, or disappointment. ASL, as a visual language, naturally includes bigger facial expressions and body language, making emotions feel heightened. This doesn’t mean Deaf children are more emotional—it’s just how they naturally communicate.
Creating a Strong Family Culture of Inclusion
Intentionality is key in building strong, loving sibling connections in Deaf-hearing families. Here are some practical ways to cultivate that connection:
1. Equal Opportunities for Responsibilities and Recognition
Hearing siblings often become the default helpers simply because parents can easily call their names across the room. But Deaf children need to experience the same level of responsibility and inclusion in family tasks. If you call your hearing child to bring you something, make it a habit to walk over and ask your Deaf child to help with a different task.
Similarly, when adults engage with your children, encourage them to ask questions directly to your Deaf child rather than addressing you as the middleman. This builds confidence and fosters independence.
2. Building Shared Experiences
Memories created together can bond siblings in deep ways. Whether it’s playing games that require teamwork, embarking on a family trip, or simply setting aside “together time” for shared activities, these moments lay a foundation of connection.
- Play team-based games where siblings must work together against parents (board games, escape rooms, or collaborative challenges).
- Encourage group storytelling—let your Deaf child express ideas through ASL storytelling while their hearing sibling contributes in spoken English.
- Start a sibling project where they work toward a common goal, like baking, gardening, or raising funds for a cause together.
- Set up mini-adventures where they can problem-solve as a team, like scavenger hunts or building forts.
3. Intentional Communication Practices
Sibling conversations in Deaf-hearing families can be tricky, especially when multiple people are talking at once. Parents shared strategies to help with this, such as:
- Establishing a “one person speaks/signs at a time” rule and modeling it yourself.
- Teaching hearing children to pause and wait when their Deaf sibling is signing.
- Encouraging Deaf children to make visual contact first before starting to sign, so their sibling knows they’re speaking.
4. Acknowledging the Hard Parts
It’s important to let both Deaf and hearing children express their honest feelings about having a sibling who communicates differently. Some days, your hearing child may feel frustrated that they have to repeat themselves in ASL, and your Deaf child may feel left out in a hearing environment. Instead of brushing past these moments, validate them:
“I know it’s hard when people aren’t signing at a family event. I see you, and I understand.”
“I know it’s frustrating when we have to repeat things in ASL, but this is how we love and include your brother.”
5. Centering Family Identity on God’s Purpose
One of the most impactful shifts in perspective is recognizing that God has intentionally placed your children together in the same family. Neither your Deaf nor hearing child was placed in your family by accident. Their unique abilities, challenges, and perspectives all serve a greater purpose.
We can remind our kids of this truth regularly:
“God gave you this sibling as a gift.”
“God created our family to be bilingual—so we sign and speak in a way that includes everyone.”
“We are a team, and we take care of each other.”
When children grow up hearing these truths, their bond becomes about more than just getting along—it’s about being part of God’s plan.
You’re Not Alone
Navigating sibling relationships in Deaf-hearing families takes time, patience, and a lot of grace. But the good news is that you’re not alone.
If you’re looking for more resources or community support, consider joining the Deaf Kids Connect Family Summit or participating in one of our Parent Support Zoom Meetings. We’re all learning together, and it’s a joy to see families grow in love and connection.