Protecting Our Marriages

The entire storyline of the Bible tells the story of God’s mission to redeem a people for Himself and to dwell with them. One of the primary ways He illustrates this covenant love is through marriage. Marriage is not random. It is not merely a social contract or a cultural tradition. It is God’s chosen picture of the most important reality in the world—Christ’s covenant love for His Church, His bride (see Ephesians 5).

If God chose marriage to display His covenant love to the world, then we can be confident that marriage deeply matters to Him. And if marriage matters deeply to God, we can also be confident that the enemy opposes it.

During this month’s parent support group, we discussed four “enemies” that threaten marriage. Our goal in naming these enemies is not to discourage us, but to bring them into the light—so that we can intentionally fight for marriages that reflect the faithful, covenant love of Christ to the world around us.

1. Exhaustion

Every marriage experiences seasons of exhaustion.

But raising a Deaf or Hard of Hearing child often adds unique and compounding layers of fatigue:

• Constantly navigating accessibility — at home, with extended family, at church, in social settings, and everywhere in between.
• An ongoing cycle of appointments — ENT visits, audiology testing, speech therapy, IEP meetings, and more.
• Learning and living within a new language and culture — acquiring ASL is no small undertaking.
• Carrying and relaying information — ensuring your spouse is fully informed.
• Slowing down communication — intentionally adjusting pace and clarity.
• Heightened vigilance in everyday moments — constant scanning and interpreting.

It is exhausting.

And exhaustion, if left unaddressed, quietly erodes patience, tenderness, and connection in a marriage. But what surfaces when exhaustion settles in is not something new—it simply reveals what is already in our hearts.

When we are tired, are we quick to point fingers at our spouse? Do we demand a break as if relief were our ultimate salvation? Do we justify a harsh tone or a distant spirit because our circumstances feel overwhelming?

Exhaustion exposes us.

And yet, Jesus meets us there with compassion: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).

True rest is not ultimately found in better systems, more sleep (though those are gifts), or even in a spouse who graciously gives us a break.
It is found in abiding in Christ—allowing Him to carry the burdens He never intended for us to bear alone.
Only His rest restores our hearts so that we can love one another with patience and grace, even in weary seasons.

2. Fear

Fear is one of the quietest but most dangerous enemies in a marriage—especially when raising Deaf and Hard of Hearing children. It rarely announces itself as “fear.” Instead, it shows up as control, blame, overprotection, withdrawal, anxiety about the future, or even frustration with one another. What begins as deep love for your child can slowly morph into panic about outcomes.

• Will they thrive?
• Are we doing enough?
• Will they feel isolated?
• Did we miss something?

Fear whispers that everything depends on us.

But in Exodus 4:11, the Lord says to Moses: “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or Deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?”

That verse is not harsh. It is not dismissive of pain. It is a declaration of sovereignty.

Our child’s hearing loss is not an accident. It is not a mistake. It is not outside of God’s sovereign hand. That does not erase the grief. It does not remove the difficulty. It does not silence the very real questions. But it does mean we are not responsible for orchestrating the future.

When fear grips a marriage, it has the potential to turn spouses against each other. One parent may push for every therapy, every intervention, every possible option—driven by anxiety. The other may feel overwhelmed and shut down. One may carry unspoken guilt—“Am I doing enough?” The other may feel pressured to be strong and never show weakness. Suddenly, the tension isn’t really about decisions. It’s about control. And control is fear wearing armor.

The real battle is not between husband and wife. It is a battle over whether we trust the sovereign hand of God. We are not called to control outcomes. We are called to faithfulness. When fear arises—and it will—the invitation is not to fight each other harder. It is to turn together toward the Lord who says, “Is it not I?” The sovereignty of God does not make the road easy. But it makes it secure. And when a husband and wife anchor themselves there, fear loses its power to divide, because their child’s story—and their marriage—is ultimately held by Someone stronger than their fear.

3. Pride

Pride can quietly sabotage a marriage, especially when raising Deaf children. Pride shows up when we assume our way is the only right way—when we refuse to listen, apologize, or admit we may need to grow. In the context of raising Deaf children, this can surface in disagreements about communication choices, educational paths, advocacy decisions, or even how involved extended family should be. When one spouse insists on control or resists learning—whether that’s embracing ASL, engaging with the Deaf community, or seeking support—it can create distance instead of unity.

Scripture reminds us that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). A marriage rooted in Christ must be rooted in humility. Humility says, I don’t know everything. I need God’s wisdom. It invites collaboration instead of competition. When both parents choose humility, they model for their Deaf child what Christlike love looks like—patient, teachable, and self-sacrificing. But when pride takes the lead, connection weakens, communication breaks down, and the family’s unity suffers. In contrast, humility strengthens both the marriage and the child’s sense of security, reflecting the servant-hearted love of Christ.

4. Grief

Grief can quietly strain a marriage when raising Deaf children, especially if it goes unspoken or unprocessed. Grief is not a sign of weak faith—it is a natural response to unmet expectations and the loss of what parents once imagined. One spouse may grieve the loss of certain experiences—hearing a child’s voice, effortless communication, or shared family traditions—while the other may move more quickly toward acceptance. When those grief journeys are out of sync, misunderstandings can grow. One may seem distant; the other may seem insensitive. Without compassion, that gap can widen.

Scripture shows us that God welcomes lament. The Psalms are filled with honest cries of sorrow, and even Jesus wept (John 11:35). Grief brought into the light can deepen intimacy rather than divide it. When couples give each other permission to grieve differently—while bringing their sorrow to the Lord—they create space for healing. United in Christ, grief can become a doorway to deeper empathy, stronger partnership, and renewed hope. Rather than allowing grief to isolate them, they can let it draw them closer to one another and to the God who promises to be near to the brokenhearted.

Yielded Hearts, Strengthened Homes

Here’s the truth we must anchor ourselves in: God did not passively allow this.
He called us into it. He formed our families intentionally — the husband, the wife, the hearing children, the Deaf children — for a purpose. And His purposes can be fully trusted.

We have a real enemy who wants to fracture the picture of God’s covenantal love — the very love marriage is designed to display to the world. If he can gain a foothold in our marriages, the ripple effects touch our children and echo far beyond our homes. Scripture reminds us to “put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil” (Eph. 6:11). Our battle is not against flesh and blood — not against our spouse — but against the enemy who longs to divide what God has joined together.

So how do we fight?

Not by striving for a perfectly managed plan.
Not by demanding a flawlessly unified front.

The best thing we can give our marriage — and our children — is a heart yielded to the One who made ears, nerves, families, and futures.

Christ delights in becoming our sure and steady anchor. He satisfies and sustains in ways our spouses were never meant to. And when two weary people cling to Him, they will find themselves strengthened — not just individually, but together.

This calling may stretch you. It may refine you. It may press you deeper into dependence than you ever expected.

But it is not accidental.
It is purposeful.
And it is held securely in the hands of a faithful God.